E is for Excited, Ecstatic, Eager

Things I'm looking forward to this term, ordered chronologically:

• 06 Nov Being done with midterms
• 06 Nov Movie night (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)
• 07 Nov Reading my new neuroscience textbook... actually just studying neuroscience again after a week away from it to focus on engs and econ
• 13 Nov Neuroscience talk by Ian Whishaw
• 14 Nov Lose the Shoes soccer tournament
• 14 Nov Rocky Horror Show
• 20 Nov Boston dinner-trip; Epilepsy Camp dinner in honor of Dr. H*
• 25 Nov Thanksgiving Break (sleeping, mostly)
• 09 Dec Going back to Texas

I realize how perhaps obscenely nerdy some of the things on there are (honestly, I'm as excited about reading my neuro textbook as I am about many of the other things on the list), but I'm also incredibly pleased that I have these interests that excite me much.

Yesterday I had a mid-term, mid-college crisis about being an economics major, being any major at all, because there's always these students in my classes who seem so intimidating and wise and intuitively understand these concepts and ideas and experiments that I have to work so hard to grasp. I contemplated withdrawing from the class, withdrawing from the major, re-evaluating my own self-worth... and yes, this was all induced from a possibly inaccurate realization that I know absolutely nothing about my upcoming midterm. I thought about how much I disliked studying econ compared to neuroscience: case in point, I cannot wait for this exam to be over because I simply do not want to study anymore--rather reminiscent of physics, actually--while I wouldn't have minded spending another week studying for my last neuro exam.

And then hours later when I finally sat down again with a pile of economics flashcards and notes (after procrastination by studying for another exam, taking another exam, organizing my inbox, blitzing too many people too many times), I stumbled upon (no, not literally) this very concise explanation of the Stolper-Samuelson Theorem:
And then I sat there and thought about it, and was immensely pleased because it's such a cool concept and it's in my mind now as an eloquent equation rather than a jumble of empirical facts. That's when I realized that it wasn't only pride and stubbornness that prevented me from dropping the class a few weeks ago when I did poorly on the midterm despite feeling relatively prepared (though granted that may have been the sole reason I stuck it out through math 11)--a terrifying feeling, realizing that you can't gauge how well you know the material. While it's true that I may have to work so much harder than others, that perhaps I'm just not adequately prepared for this place and these academics, I really enjoy learning these things. It's worth it to me, even if I have an absolute disadvantage in terms of background, intuition, wisdom, etc.

Perhaps a comparative advantage in excitement in lieu of intelligence counts for something.